


Lost in Translation

by lamaudite (dolarabee)



Category: Pearl Jam
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-26
Updated: 2018-02-26
Packaged: 2019-03-25 20:52:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13842825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dolarabee/pseuds/lamaudite
Summary: Middle of the night, Stone goes for a wander.(In answer to a Safe Sex Challenge on another archive, though I doubt that's what the instigator(s) had in mind...)





	Lost in Translation

**Author's Note:**

> My first foray in band fic and it turned out rather silly, but the bunny would not let go. :) Inspired by (some) real events. Thanks to Riguel for much needed feedback and encouragement.

Lost in Translation

At two in the morning, a jetlagged Stone Gossard was wandering along a quiet street of Tokyo. Three to four-storey high buildings to his left and a park across the road to his right, he could hear a water fountain splash its marble basin. 

Not that far from his hotel, maybe a couple of blocks, he was trying to shake off that false energy that came with overtiredness. While he knew his internal clock was messed up, he also knew he hadn't managed to sleep a wink on the plane. He should be passed out in bed, exhausted, but he wasn't, feeling too febrile inside to even lie down.

He took a deep breath of the night air, still humid but no longer sweltering hot. Yet, it lingered, that mugginess. He pinched and pulled his grey t-shirt, peeling it off his chest if only for a few seconds. 

Bright flashing signs on the building coming up caught his attention and a good thing too. Yes, he'd needed a walk, but he'd also been despatched with a purpose and he'd almost forgotten. 

He slowed down and approached the convenience store with the bottom half of its glass wall covered in posters and ads. Japanese symbols in hot pink neon carried on flashing at interval with a dry, electric buzz that grated on Stone's nerves. 

Peering through the window, he stuffed his hand in the pocket of his jeans to check he had his wallet. Catching his own reflection, he ran his fingers through his short hair and looked beyond. He spied a couple of people inside past a rack full of magazines. One of them definitely a clerk, Stone decided it must still be open and muttered, "Alright then, here goes nothing." As he reached the door, it opened automatically for him, sliding to the side to let him in. The cool conditioned air kissed his skin and was instantly welcomed. 

Stone spotted the older man sporting the store's branded vest look in his direction and he nodded with his head a silent salutation. There was another man, near the candy bars. In a business suit, the westerner looked like Stone felt - tired but wired, and out of his element. Stone nodded in his direction too, quickly getting a similar gesture in reply.

He could see by the row of fridges that the first aisle was all drinks. He skipped it. Walking the store lengthwise, he checked the second aisle and mentally labelled it 'processed crap'. Third aisle looked more promising with the medical stuff at his end. He started to creep forward, eyes trying to scan everything: first aid, remedies for headaches and stomach bugs. Stone couldn't read any of the packaging but the designs were similar to back home or at least familiar enough that he could sort of work it out. And every once in a while there would be an English word confirming his guess work. Soon he was in feminine hygiene territory. _Shouldn't be too long now_ , he told himself.

As the tampons and pads gave way to the lube, Stone nearly bumped into the person standing right in front of that array. _Shit!_ Sidestepping at the very last second, he apologised and walked on. He threw a glance over his shoulder, belatedly noticing it was a woman, maybe mid-forties, arms crossed, brow furrowed as she clearly tried to make sense of what she was looking at. She was a westerner too - must be that time of the night. Jetlagged people unite! 

Stone looked at the shelves on either side of the aisle but no, what he'd been tasked with acquiring was back there, right where the woman was standing. He figured he would give her a moment and come back later. He checked out the next aisle, even glanced at the magazines all covered with Japanese bands and actors and models he'd never seen before. After a while, he went back to check. He hadn't seen the lady come out or pay for anything but maybe he'd missed her. _Nope._

She was still there. Stone unconsciously took in her relaxed appearance. Loose shirt and cut-off jean shorts, her tousled light brown hair was pulled in a bun and held up by those dangerous-looking chopstick things. Damp ringlets teased the nape of her neck, making Stone scratch his. She was leaning forward, looking at this box or that box, before pulling back again, the rubber sole of her sandals squeaking on the floor each time. 

Stone entertained the idea of giving her more time but another few seconds of this told him he'd be here the rest of the night if he did. Slowly he walked back to her, this time stopping well before invading her personal space. Scanning the products for himself, he felt like groaning and immediately understood why she was still here, seemingly unable to choose.

"Not that obvious, is it?"

Stone blinked and looked her way. Had he actually groaned out loud? She gave him a smile, hazel eyes dancing in amused bemusement. He returned one. "No." 

She looked at him a little longer, enough for him to wonder if she'd recognised him but if she did, she hid it well.

"I'm trying to figure out what this one can possibly be..." She pointed at a box sporting the photo of an elephant on it.

Stone couldn't help himself and picked up the box of condoms for a closer look, lifting his glasses up so he could see the small print better.

"I mean..."

"Yeah." Stone nodded before looking at her again. She was blushing and that made him chuckle, more so when he felt the heat creep up his neck too. "What about this one?" He pointed to another box, with a horse on it, right between the elephant and a third option: an eagle. She giggled.

"Smart boy, super big boy, mega big boy," she started reading the english on the boxes like she needed him to confirm she was seeing right. "Ultra big. Rose pattern, double fit. Roman?" That box showed a rose on the keys of a piano.

"I have no idea," he said, sharing her puzzlement. On the top shelf he noted all the very colourful ones, presented as lollipops. He shook his head.

"Huh-uh," she agreed and then added, "And then there's those." She pointed to a lower shelf Stone hadn't even noticed yet. "Tell me you know what 'Kit Sack' means."

Stone met her pleading look but could see she was only trying to share her despair in good humour. It dawned on him that it was now also his. "I don't," he tried to reply with a straight face but failed. He chuckled at her way to put things and shook his head again. "But we'll figure it out." 

She let out a 'ha!' and Stone could tell he hadn't necessarily managed to convince her.

He looked at the different kind of branding she'd pointed out, 16 boxes all similarly designed with childlike cartoons. If it wasn't for the word 'Condoms' popping up here and there, Stone would have thought they were candy. 

He'd crouched to have a better look. She joined him. "Do you know what they remind me of?" Her tone was almost conspiratory. He found he liked her easy manner. "The packs of Popeye cigarettes, you know, the candy sticks? Did you have those?"

Her question made him wonder where she was from, what was that accent. Not British, not American, not Canadian nor South African... "Yes. Yes, we did." And he recalled he and his sisters at a very young age, walking around with those hanging out of their mouths, pretending to be cool smokers like the big people. "And you're right; very similar design but somehow I don't think..."

"No." Nothing I'd stick in my mouth, her tone seemed to say and when Stone looked at her it was like she'd just realised he'd caught it and she blushed all over again.

"Oh, my god," she groaned, standing back up. 

"I get it," he tried to reassure her, feeling her embarrassment, but still needing to bite down on another chuckle.

"I mean look at this!" Her arm encompassed yet another section of prophylactic options in mock despair. "I mean I'm all for safe sex but..."

Those boxes were labelled with different numbers: 0.01, 0.02, 0.03. "What does that even mean?" Stone let out, standing back up to peer at them.

She shrugged. "I thought the average for you guys was 10cc."

"You mean like the band?" Stone was smiling wide.

"Yeah, a friend of mine used to say that was the meaning behind their name." She chuckled. 

Stone let out a hearty laugh. "I think you'll find it's 9cc." 

She gave him a look that said, how would you even know that? "You're having me on."

He nodded, a little sheepish. "I'm having you on. I've heard the story too. 9cc being the average and the guys in the band being better than the average man by 1cc."

"Oh." She raised her eyes to the ceiling. "I'd never heard that part. Surely that's all bull."

"I think you'll find it is." He glanced back at the boxes. "But hey, nice try..." He smiled at her.

"Okay," seemingly undeterred, she changed tack, "if not the amount of... you know... " She shook her head before looking at him from beneath her lashes. "I can't believe I'm discussing this with a total stranger. If not the amount of semen..."

Stone laughed again.

"Then what? The thickness of the... what the hell are they made of here, latex?" Her gaze went back to the display. 

For a moment, he stared and studied the options with her. "Does it even matter really?" He was starting to think that whatever he would grab would do. A shag was a shag. He'd noted her wedding band. Surely she was in a similar boat as he. 

She seemed a little surprised by the notion but giving it merit enough to think about it. "I suppose not... I mean..." She shrugged and sighed. "We're just on our way back home, round-the-world ticket to see our respective families on different continents, sharing bedrooms and couches, and we're just breaking the journey. A few days of sightseeing before going back to the grind. We're bushed but got an upgrade at the hotel. The kid has her own room. First time in near six weeks." 

Stone smiled, catching the subscript, and she blushed again. He thought it was extremely endearing. 

"I have no idea why I'm telling you all this. What is it about buying condoms - or lube for that matter - that you feel the need to justify yourself to the pharmacist? Or a fellow shopper?" she added, indicating him with her hand.

Chuckling, Stone shook his head. "I get it. A bit of an impromptu thing for a us too. Thinking of getting back to it after our last little one. My wife's not back on the pill yet so..." He dropped his jaw suddenly. "Oh my god, you're right. You just can't help yourself. This unexplained need to explain," he joked.

"Worse than the confessional," the woman joined in.

"You go and pay and you feel the need to comment on your purchase for some reason, like you're fifteen years old all over again. Pfft!" Stone added.

"Like we don't all know what the hell they're for. Well, at least it's making us feel young again." 

A beat, their eyes met again. 

"But to answer your question, I had this lover once, you know, back in my early twenties, and he was..." She lifted her hands up, keeping them at least a foot apart, maybe a little more. "Hmm, and even after going through all the condoms in the apartment - one of my flatmates used to keep this huge jar full of all sorts of condoms: edible, flavoured, ribbed, studded, lubed with heated stuff, tingling stuff, glow in the dark even - but none would fit him." She smiled wistfully, her gaze unfocussing for a moment.

"And?" Stone couldn't help but ask.

"And?" Like she was coming back from far away, she saw Stone and reigned herself in. 

"Well, we had to wait for the pharmacy in the morning. Get the freaking giant ones." 

She sounded just as irritated now as she and Mr Extremely Endowed must have been all those years ago and Stone and her just stared at each other for a second before cracking up.

Wiping at her eyes, she tried to catch her breath. "I wonder what happened to him. He was just passing through. His name was Roger."

_Really?_ Stone's eyebrows went up as he paused a second before laughing again.

"I'm serious," she managed to say and hiccuped, still grinning ear to ear. 

And Stone believed her. He was certain that the man had given her a jolly good rogering too. Sobering up, he went back to their original problem. "But what about your husband, we're talking Roger size? Is he tall?"

"Six foot five."

"Seriously?" Stone swallowed. "Big nose?"

"Not as big as yours," she returned before her hand went to her mouth. "I'm sorry. I'm only teasing." 

"Ouch." Stone's hand touched his nose and he winked at her. "What about his feet?"

"He's a size 15 or 16, depending on the brand."

"No shit?"

She giggled, nodding.

"Okay, maybe the elephant box then," Stone suggested, almost managing a dead-pan.

She chuckled. "You tell me. Any truth with the myth of height, nose or feet?"

"Well, you're better placed to know for the height and feet, huh? But..." With a flourish, he grabbed one of the elephant boxes and started to leave, walking backwards and tapping the box in his free palm.

She cracked up but he caught her looking him up and down. He waggled his eyebrows when her gaze raised back to his face.

_Oh my god,_ she mouthed and grabbed a box before following him.

There were a lot of stifled giggles and cheek biting as they waited for the clerk to ring up their respective purchase. In front of her, he handed a few bills for payment before leaning against her to see what she'd settled on.

"The horse or the horned one?" He was trying to make her laugh in front of the poor staff, whom by now was redder than the both of them combined.

"Shush!" She swatted his arm. He could tell she was barely holding on.

"Or should I say horny?" He watched her bite her lip but got distracted being handed some change back as well as his box neatly put away in a paper bag, which he accepted with a rather muted, "Thank you."

Another elephant condom box was put on the counter for purchase and, at the last second, his new partner in crime added a drink. "Want one?"

Stone eyed the bottle, curious.

"Milk tea."

"Sure. Thanks." A little surprised by the kindness, he watched her grab another from the little refrigerated display.

She barely made eye contact with the clerk but Stone was pretty sure it suited the poor man. Their fits of laughter had gone on for long enough on top of the discomfort buying condoms seemed to generate for everyone involved.

As they walked out, the warm, humid air assaulted them and she handed him one of the teas before unscrewing the other. She took a big gulp.

"I think he was wondering why we needed two boxes."

She nearly choked on her swallow and Stone grinned, satisfied. She elbowed him. 

"Hey!" He was chuckling again. 

"That poor guy..." She was shaking her head, giving him a look of mock reproach. 

Well, at least Stone hoped that was all it was. She didn't look really annoyed. No, her eyes were still dancing. He pushed his box into the front pocket of his jeans before opening his own bottle, giving it another look. "Thanks. I don't think I've ever had this."

Without really noticing, his feet had started walking him back in the direction of his hotel and she was walking right alongside him.

"It's nice. It's like bubble tea or pearl tea but without the pearls."

Stone did a double take at that. _Is she having me on?_ But no. She was nothing if not genuine, he decided. And besides, he'd heard of the stuff. Just had never gotten around to trying it. He was more of a coffee person. 

"Go on." He felt her gaze on him as he took a sip. "And?"

"And it's good." The sweetness and coldness of the drink hit the spot and left an amazing tea taste in their wake. It was almost akin to the tea his dad used to brew on the campfire when he was younger. Nothing done indoors ever came close. He looked at the bottle again and took a larger sip. "Pretty good actually." 

She smiled and they slipped into a comfortable silence as they drank and ambled down the sidewalk. Until Stone remembered. 

"Which hotel you're staying at?" _Stalkerish much, man?_ He quickly added, "I ask because I've just realised I'm heading back to mine and falling into step with someone without thinking is just so something I'd do." He ran a hand through his hair. "I just don't want you to find yourself in an area of town this la-"

"It's okay. I'm at the Hyatt Regency." There was a no nonsense to her tone that indicated she knew where she was headed.

"Oh. Well then, let's carry on." 

"You too?" 

"Yep." What were the odds of that? But then again, he figured for tourists with barely any time on their hands, Shinjuku was probably the place to be. If he was here for a proper look around, on a holiday, he'd be more adventurous. With the band, they'd stayed at the Hilton before but they'd come to find the biggest hotels were often the most obvious with fans. The Hyatt had a smaller profile, adequate security and was certainly comfortable enough.

"What are the odds of that?" 

_Indeed._ He smiled and glanced at her. She looked surprised. Maybe a little chuffed? Maybe she did know who he was and was playing it cool. Maybe she didn't care. Maybe she hated the band. His mom always said, if you got nothing nice to say, then say nothing. Maybe her mom shared that wisdom...

Oblivious to his inner ramblings, she easily moved past the serendipitous nature of life. "I'd like to come back when the cherry trees are in bloom." 

"Oh, yes, the cherry blossoms. I hear that's beautiful." 

"That's the idea of squeezing these short stops when we come back from the family whirlwind visits. You know, scout what we'd like to come back to and visit properly one day," she explained and Stone supposed he took similar notes when they were touring. 

Like now. Tokyo, but also Japan as a whole were definitely on his bucket list. But it would have to wait. They only had a few days before the next leg of the tour.

They both slowed down at the same spot and faced the road. The hotel stood tall not much farther in front of them. They looked up and down the deserted street and Stone's hand found the small of his companion's back when they crossed. 

The lobby wasn't very busy at this late hour. Their bottles were lobbed in a rubbish bin before they entered one of the elevators, Stone letting her on first. "Floor?"

"Twelfth, please." 

Stone pressed the number 12 button before the one for the top floor. He saw her raise an eyebrow but she didn't comment on it. Was he perpetuating one of the rock myths regarding penthouses?

As the elevator shot up quickly with all the efficiency of modern tech, Stone could sense she too was feeling like their time was running out, which was a shame. They'd have a good laugh.

"I guess I best thank you for your help." She motioned to her handbag crossing her chest and he knew she was referring to the box within.

"I could say the same. Told you we'd figure it out." On impulse, he offered his hand. "My name's Stone Gossard."

"Véronique West." She took his hand and shook it firmly. "I guess we still have to see if we did." She grinned.

"O ye of little faith." Stone chuckled and shook his head. "But you have a point. But I'm pretty confident."

She chuckled too and her face fell a little when the elevator slowed down and announced her floor. "Well, it's been a pleasure, Stone. And thanks for the music. Pearl Jam's and yours."

The doors opened and he stuck his hand out to hold the one closest to him. "A-ah..." _Well, that answers that..._ "So you were just pretending?" He was curious and their easy rapport loosened his tongue.

"Didn't want to make it awkward. Figured you were off the clock. You guys playing here? I didn't even know..." 

"It's okay," Stone was quick to say, realising he was probably making it awkward now. She looked worried, like she'd insulted him or something. "And thanks for that. It's always a fine line to walk." 

"I can only imagine. Maybe I..." 

The doors tried closing but Stone caught it. "Yeah?"

"Maybe I should have just said something, acknowledged it? It's hard for us too."

"No, no. It was great. Don't sweat it. Made for normal conversation for a change." He smiled, wanting to reassure her.

"Well, I'm not sure I'd call it normal."

"Touché." He glanced down. "But it was fun. I had fun." 

The doors tried to close again and this time the elevator let out a beep, which felt incredibly loud this late. 

Chastised by this mechanical thing, her startled expression turned into a sad face and Stone's mirrored it. 

"I better go." Her head tilted to the side slightly. "Thanks again."

And they shook hands once more. Stone knew he held on just a little longer than necessary. "My pleasure, Véronique."

She stepped off and smiled, and the doors closed on her. 

"Damn." Stone let himself fall against the wall as the elevator resumed its journey. He pulled the paper bag out of his pocket and chuckled to himself. How was he going to put one on for his wife without thinking of her and whether it would fit her Bigfoot of a husband?

~

The next morning, Stone was at the front desk, scribbling a note on hotel letterhead. It had been only much later in the night when he realised he had not answered Véronique's query as to whether the band was playing Tokyo and he felt bad about that. 

_Dear Véronique,_

_I trust the 'elephant' did its job? ;)_

_Please accept my apology. Didn't mean to ignore your question last night. I blame the jetlag! The answer is yes, the guys and I are playing the Budokan tonight. Here's three tickets. I hope you can make it._

_Stay safe,_

_Stone_

He folded the piece of paper and slipped it in the envelope already containing the tickets, thanks to their tour manager.

As he felt an arm wrap around his waist, Stone wrote Véronique's full name on the envelope, as well as the floor she was staying on. Unfortunately, he didn't know her room number but the front desk staff had assured him that it would not be a problem.

"Is this the lady who helped us out last night?" 

"It is." Stone smiled at his wife and leaned in to kiss her temple. 

"Make sure you thank her for me."

"Already done." He handed the envelope to the clerk, nodding in thanks. "Hungry?" 

"Famished." She pulled on his hand. "They're already seated."

"After you then." 

It was maybe half an hour or so later when Stone caught sight of Véronique as he looked up from his food to gaze beyond the decorated glass panes separating the hotel dining room from the spacious lobby. She was walking back from the front desk, her daughter and husband by her side, when her eyes wandered and found his. She smiled wide, waving in the air the envelope he'd left her. And then he spotted that blush colouring her cheeks right before she gave him the thumbs up. 

_The elephant._ Stone chuckled and nodded knowingly.

"Anything I missed?" Eddie noticed the distracted guitarist amongst their large group made up of the band, some of the crew and their immediate families. 

"It's a story, man." Stone turned to him and grinned. "Ask me again later."

...


End file.
